Tongue in Cheek

Dear Miss Havana: My girlfriend used to crave oral sex, but now she won’t let my tongue anywhere that thing. What can I do to re-stimulate her craving? Hungry for More

Dear Hungry: You idiot. How do you spell V-A-G-I-N-A-L-Y-E-A-S-T-I-N-F-E-C-T-I-O-N? Don’t you get it yet – that “thing” is an incubator, you dolt. Put a fetus in there and ZOWIE, you get a kid. Put a microbe in there, and OUCH, you get a bloom you certainly don’t want. No matter how hungry you might be, give the girl some credit for a little common sense, and munch on something else besides THAT taco.