I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I used it all my life, as I had always been told it was the best. Now that I'm dead, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white robe. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband (Lucifer...the bastard) started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white robe! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the purgatory Proprietor told me that DNA tests on my blouse were negative and that I was no longer considered a suspect in Lucifer's disappearance. What a relief! Occasionally confronting that bastard is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.